Confession #3 - I want to be a pregnant bride!

I realize this defies protocol, and possibly even common sense, but I really want to be a pregnant bride! My wedding is only 6 weeks away, but if I'm lucky enough to walk down the aisle with an extra wedding guest in my uterus, I will be the world's happiest bride (plus one)!

You see, I'm 33 going on 34 marrying a man who is 38. I'm a tad nervous that if we don't get moving on the baby factor, we could become one of those couples that have to worry every step of the way that our age is working against us.

After decades of trying my best to avoid pregnancy, an 'accident' early this month raised the possibility of pregnancy before marriage. This led to a frank discussion about the merits of waiting for our wedding night vs. letting nature take its course now. Though perhaps a tad unconventional, particularly given how close we are to walking down the aisle, we decided that the sooner we get pregnant, or (heaven forbid) identify fertility issues, the better.

Our accident did not result in conception. Even though we followed the accident up with a couple of earnest, full-out baby-making attempts, an April pregnancy was not in the cards for us.

As we head into May, my reproductive system is gearing up for another ovulation, and my fiance and I are gearing up to make the most of it. This time we're fully armed with fertility tips to maximize my 12-24 hours of peak fertility.

I understand that even a healthy, fully fertile woman's chances of getting pregnant during ovulation are still only about 25% each month, so I am going to try very hard not to be disappointed if it doesn't happen before the wedding - but if it DOES happen - I will feel like the world's luckiest bride ever!

Confession # 2 - I Have the Bachelor Party Blues

A seldom acknowledged grey cloud looms over the future bride. While she meticulously plans, schedules, breaks the bank and frets to make the celebration of her love as perfect as possible, her groom is frequently called upon to honour the upcoming nuptials by getting wild with naked women.

Is it just me, or does the bachelor party tradition completely suck the romance out of a wedding?

Let me clarify that I fully support every man's god given right to a wild night out with the boys. Excessive alcohol consumption and debauchery? Fine. Crude conversations about ex-girlfriends and past sexual conquests? Go for it. Getting up close and personal with other women's private parts? I'm going to have to pass.

Let's be honest; most women don't feel great about their loved one visiting the rippers at any time. There's nothing particularly inspiring about picturing your man in a room full of women who have chosen nudity as a profession. Provided it's a rare occurrence however, I've generally made my peace with the fact that sometimes my significant other will be called upon to support his friends and testosterone in general by ogling the curves and jiggly parts of the fairer sex.

But the thought of my groom as the man of honour surrounded by naked women right before I commit my life to him? That's another matter.

When it comes to sex, and even porn for that matter, I'm no stick in the mud. Case in point, I've been to female strip joints with two of my past partners, and at least three other times with male friends. Who knows, maybe one day my future husband and I will even pop into a strip joint together for a little adventure or to simply hit up a bar before last call. But there is something categorically different about my groom having this experience with drunken cajoling male friends just days before our nuptials. I'm already losing sleep over completely insignificant things like the possibility that the cake will get damaged or the DJ won't show up. To have to think about the love of my life with strippers on his lap days before I say "I do" is just a little more anxiety than I am willing to take on right now.

I'm am fortunate enough to be with a man who understands how I feel and has no burning desire to have this experience. I really don't know what I would do if he was unable to commit to staying stripper free before our wedding. I also know that promises made today might not be so easy to keep after a night of drinking with friends.

So what do you think? Am I crazy to think that celebrating with naked women takes something away from our big day, or is this a tradition that needs to evolve with the times?

Confession #1 - I'm Not Your Average Bride

I'm a far cry from your typical bride. I say that because, until June 2010, I never gave a single thought to what kind of wedding I wanted. According to conventional wisdom, women have been dreaming about their 'big day' since they were old enough to eat wedding cake. I can honestly say that the the very last thing on my mind through girlhood and puberty was what my wedding dress would look like or how many tiers my cake would have.

Secondly, I think I probably break the average bride mould a bit in that I am planning my wedding for the second time in eight months. In June 2010, I was planning a late summer wedding to my then boyfriend of six years. In February 2011, I started planning my upcoming nuptials to my boyfriend (now finance!) of seven months.

That means that, within the span of a year, I have announced my engagement to my family twice, planned two very different celebrations, hired two sets of staff for my 'big day' and created two very different guests lists of loved ones.

The good news is, despite an extremely painful breakup with my ex, I couldn't be happier than I am right now. My fiance and I first dated when we were quite young (19 and 23 respectively) and following an eight month relationship, had an off-and-on connection that lasted until I left Toronto at 22. The pull between us was always really powerful, but we didn't have the relationship skills, diplomacy or life experiences to turn that chemistry into something exceptional. Reconnecting in our 30's has been incredible. It's all the passion of our younger years (more in fact) coupled with the added benefit of maturity and a raw appreciation for the incredible odds it took to give us a second shot. I can honestly say that I am amazed every day at how awesome our relationship has become.

That being said, the irony of going through the wedding planning process for the second time in a year is not lost on me. When I first got engaged (again) I couldn't announce it to friends or family without wondering what it might be like to have to 'untell' them. Thankfully most of that anxiety seems to be gone now, but it has been quickly replaced with the anxiety of planning a wedding from start to finish in three months!

So, here I go again folks. If you want to get inside the head of a truly neurotic bride, follow me for the honest truth about the psyche of a bride to be!